Crying IS NOT bad!!!! I know.

Cuddling with Beary!!  Day 3

Lucy gave me Beary to sleep with and I think I will tonight!  It is the first time I have been away from my husband on our anniversary so I feel like I need to snuggle with someone!  Today was a good day.

A little tough getting up early....well early for me. I have to be down for breakfast by 7am and on to exercise by 8am.  I got fitness tested today and the results back from my blood-work.  The fitness test went pretty well. I was able to do squats and row and move pretty well and will start doing full workouts tomorrow.  All my blood-work is all clear. I am in good shape and my woman's multivitamin apparently has been doing a good job of keeping all my numbers in check.  So I am perfectly healthy and no reason to have weight gain except me.  

I shared in group today for the first time.  It was hard.  I didn't say a lot but I felt like I needed to say something so that I could really be a part of the group instead of just a bystander. I cried a bit.  I don't like crying-it makes me feel weak and embarrassed but when I am highly stressed, angry or super nervous I do it.  I shared how I'm having some difficulty with the needing help part of the program. I'm used to taking care of people and fixing things and as people went around the room and shared, I felt like I knew some things that could help all of them.....but couldn't quite figure out where I fit into the getting help part.  At lunch we had to talk about our feelings before and after eating and that was tough for me. I'm not real in touch with the feeling part of myself.  They had a hundred faces of different feelings you could be feeling and I came up with  "good".  I'm not sure exactly how I feel about everything. I laughed a lot this morning during exercise which was fun and we had a good group that talked about how our posture (power postures in particular) can actually increase your testosterone and decrease your stress producing hormone and actually help you to be more confident. (Really interesting implications-especially for teachers-TED talk by Amy Cuddy if you want to look it up).   

One thing I do know is that I am physically sore after the afternoon workout--I learned how to use a medicine ball and a rowing machine!  I know that ibuprofen will be my best friend by tomorrow and I know that I can make change and I will make change.  That, I know for sure.