10 lbs and lots of better choices!

I'm down 10 lbs. I'm happy BUT I'm happier because I have really made some good choices this month. 

1. I tried and joined a gym. ( Some may not agree with this being a good choice BUT I joined with my daughter and got a deal I can live with!)

2.  I realized I can lose weight and not be on a diet. I just ate good food, made better choices, cut out a lot of junk and drank a lot of water!  ( I even had a five guys burger one night- went out to eat several times- just made better---and smaller choices!)

3.  I agreed to do a 5k.  (Yes- it is the Annapolis beer run, but I figured there has got to be some running in there with the drinking!)

4. I made some time for me. ( not a lot I still have to work on it BUT I went to the gym, got a haircut, new makeup and the kids lived through it!) 

I have 11 months to go to reach my goal but I feel like I'm well on my way!

3 workouts since Friday!!!!

I went to a swim fitness class tonight.  I was sure I would be the youngest there by 20 years but I was NOT!  Also I was dissin it a little 20 minutes in BUT as I tried to walk up the stairs to hang up my towel after I got home, I realized that my legs hurt where they have not hurt for some time!!!! I'm feeling good. I'm getting back in control of me. I even got a haircut this weekend....I needed something fresh and new. Good things to come! I know it....

Packages in the mail

 I was going to exercise this morning but the kids were out of school, and we slept late and went and saw Paddington. ( I would not recommend.) Then errands and time got away from me as is easy in the wonderland called IKEA! Anyway I got home at 930 and there was an envelope from a friend. I opened it and there was a Jillian Michaels video and a sweet and encouraging note!  In the note it stated that "when I can't get to the gym I do this 20 minute workout".  And, because that was the exact situation I was in, I decided it was a sign. So yep I got on my exercise clothes ( and so did my kids) and we worked out!!! My muscles hurt and are still vibrating a little, but I did it!!!!  Thank you Karen!  You made me push tonight harder than I would have. You also reminded me of how important small gestures can be. I'm gonna look for opportunities to pay it forward this week!

I did it!!!!

I went.  Was it sleeting? Yes. Did my 6 year old tell me she hated it and did not want to go? Yes. Did my oldest daughter refuse to do Zumba with me? Yes. Did I have no appropriate gym wear? Yes. Did I go REGARDLESS of all that? Yes-yes-yes!!!!!! And I actually enjoyed it. I wasn't the oldest or the biggest and once I had my 80s rock party jammin.....I was good. I did elliptical and the bike and abs.  I already took ibuprofen as it's been awhile since I've moved at any intensity for an hour!  But I did it-- no excuses. It feels good. I did it. 

9 days til gym membership

Sooo-  Feb 1 is my internal deadline for gym membership!  I got a one week trial at LA Fitness! Tomorrow is gym day 1!  No excuses- goal is 3 days a week.  And I have some awesome and exciting news about my fitness and wellness future!!!! Working out details and then I'll spill it. BTW....it is hard to eat only one bowl of soup even when you are full.  It just feels like that can't be a meal...it's just broth and stuff....and yummy!  Drank so much water today almost peed on myself twice----cars need toilets. Keep on the lookout for my news!!!

Day 18 and I'm Not Hungry

I had pizza and chipotle today. Not great if you are on a diet. But I'm not! I'm changing my eating patterns. Soo- I had two small slices of jalapeño and banana pepper pizza and a serving of fresh pineapples. Then I got a chipotle salad with its new roasted tofu.  And......drum roll please......I only ate half because I was........FULL!  I've been trying so hard to listen to my body and eat when I'm hungry and stop when im not. I've always been a plate cleaner. I never remember being told to clean my plate, not sure where I got that from. I know I grew up as one of six kids and waste wasn't looked upon favorably. "Take all you want but eat all you take," was a common saying in my home. I guess that's another way to say clean your plate....hadn't really thought about it that way.  Anyway-relearning bad habits!!!!  Went to LA Fitness today. Smelled nice and very clean. I liked it. But, why don't they have activities and classes for kids. So I'm gonna go get in shape while my kid sits and watches movies and plays video games in the kids lib. that just doesn't seem right....no other gyms close. All guns should have programs for kids so they don't have to go through this journey later!  

I Found a Dent!

I felt a dent !!! In my side that I have not felt in awhile ! I was putting on my clothes and I just felt like something was different as I pulled my shirt over!  There is a new dent where my waist used to be!!  Here it is on Day 14 and I have made myself a new dent.  I even told my 6 year old girl about it.  I made her touch my new dent and she smiled and said “Yeah, I feel it.” I don’t think she really did and she was looking at me kinda crazy just talking about dents but she knew I was excited and she went along.  Confession:  I weighed.  I didn’t want to but the scale was sitting there and I have been eating so much better and well—3lbs!!!!!!!  And I haven’t even gone to the gym yet.  This is exciting to me.  I know three pounds is not a lot and frankly when I was doing Weight watchers I lost 12 lbs the first week BUT I never was able to keep it off.  I just got tired of counting calories or points or eating portions the size of my index finger.  Lifestyle—I have to change my lifestyle---it has to be forever—I don’t have that much time left on the earth and I want to make it count.  Even if I live to be 97, I only have 56 years left. That is quick-blink and it is GONE.  I’ve still got a lot of stuff to do. I haven’t even quite figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I need TIME!!!!!!

Learning About Me

I'm at day 10. I have learned this week that 1.  you can buy single serving almonds( and they are quite filling) 2.  I like spa gyms not stinky ones 3.  I can eat a single plate of food and be satisfied 4.  I can resist eating the entire platter of 7 layer dip. I only recently began to learn things about me.  Well, things about what I liked and didn't like etc.  See I got pregnant at 17 and my world suddenly became less about music and fashion and movie stars and finding myself and more about figuring out how to make life work.  At 22 I had a 5 year old and was trying to figure out how to go to school, make ends meet, and how to stay married.  Not that I regret it....I dont. Would I have done it differently, sure BUT, (and that's a big but) I learned a lot about the inner me-that I was tough, could figure out how to get a job and work pregnant, how to love someone and how to put others first BUT(another big one)- in the process I forgot about nurturing me. I forgot to read, and play, and write and dream and be. See, I was working so hard to make a life that I forgot to live.  It took me til about 35 to realize I didn't have a me anymore.  So since then, with many relapses, I have been trying to figure out who I am! Seems like that should be easy but it really took me until then to realize that my personal traits were ok and that was me!  I'm still learning every day but I know that I'm never to old to learn about me and try to take more time to figure ME out!

Days 6 and 7-Stinky Gold's Gym

Tonight was my appointment at the gym. I DID NOT want to go. The kids went into school two hours late which means I went to work 2 hours late which meant I didn't get home til 730 which meant after bedtime it was 1000 BUT damn it, I was going.  Oh did I mention it was 12 degrees outside.  So my daughter and I froze our buns off in the car...got there at tenish and got the tour and the spiel.  Impressions: 1.  This gym stinks.  I mean can't someone clean occasionally....  2.  Do you really need 4000 cardio machines?  Overwhelmed much?  3. And really did you need to explain how you have 2 of every 50lb and up free weight......do I look like I need that? 4.  It was a maze and I felt like a large oversized and overaged mouse.  Really it was two levels and huge!  I don't know how to use most of the equipment and a year contract was scary.  He said, "we are a real gym. You come here because you want to feel like you are here to work. We aren't like the spa gyms." Uhhhh, my daughter and I decided we want the spa gym.....LA Fitness, here I come.

Been eating good. Bought some single serve almond packs to make it through the afternoon. I'm not hungry today at all! I can do this!

Skinny Meal

I didn't exercise today. Time....I need more time!  I did pass up wine and candy during the Bachelor with my daughter- she had to enjoy the wine all by herself. Of course the plus size model was the first to go.  Anyone surprised?  Ha!  Also I ate mini skinny penne for dinner. It was easy to make and really good. I had a big salad and didn't feel like I sacrificed but OMG, the healthy eating witching hours of 3- dinner time ALMOST got me.  What the hell is it that makes a person soo hungry and snacks at that time of day....like the snack devil comes out to tempt you with all that is salty and crunchy! Overall a successful day. Appt at the gym on wed night...we shall see!

Rejection Hurts

Thought a lot about rejection today. Not sure why....maybe because I'm journeying to better myself and thinking about where in the past I felt bad about who I was. Whatever it was, I realized that I was really only rejected for a short time in my life and all before age 13. Well, not that I've never been rejected after that but the most painful rejections were when I was really young. Starting a new school in first grade and being called "moon man". Then continually being ridiculed about being fat and loud and ugly. Thinking back now it wasn't a lot of people but the ones who spoke did so loudly and often. I looked up the biggest bully of all who made it his job to make me miserable and he's a sheriff in a small town near my hometown now. Weird thinking back...even at home I was ridiculed by one of my brothers...I often felt like I couldnt escape the words and meaness. I'm 41 now and even though I've worked through the torment of this and totally reconciled with my brother, I still feel the pain of my little girl self sometimes. Rejection is hard for anyone ...I get that....but it's still hard for me to get how comments said by dumb kids made me feel ugly and fat for years and years. Really until the last ten years. So today as I'm thinking about it I am so glad to be in my 40's. I am so glad to not have to deal with adolescence and teenage years again!!! I am so glad that I am ok with me and ok with being who I am....well....most of the time.</p>

Day 3-I'm hungry!

So I can count on no hands the number of times I have been hungry in the past 8 years....literally..... I think....um... never and last night and tonight I am hungry. I'm ok with it because I need to be a little hungry to remember what it feels like.  Tummy grumbling is the least of my concern. I just got back from two days in the car with my kids (6,8 and 22 years) and my dog. My husband got to drive the other car filled with my daughters college items that we transported back from college as she is moving home with us.  16 hours in a car over two days and then an overnite stay in the Quality Inn that proved to be just about as unquality as you can imagine, made me quite tired tonight.  Still not sure if that mirror acting as a headboard was a two way mirror or not....I didnt chance it...I put my daughter on that side of the room! Here's to Hampton Inns for the rest of my life!  Two days in a car with kids makes you think of a lot of things-like when my daughter told me 80 times in a row (loudly and with a voice that is reminiscent of a fire truck siren) "I'm HUNGRY!"  At 6 years old do they think you dont hear them?  Do they think you can make food appear out of thin air or do they think that if they yell loud enough GOD himself may come down and give them chicken nuggets!!! I dont know, but between that, my son deciding to go on a hunger strike ( because I made the mistake of buying him grilled chicken nuggets and fruit at Chic-fil-a instead of his regular nuggets and fries) and the amount of times my oldest daughter changed the radio station right in the middle of my rockin' 80s tune, I was so ready to get out of the drivers seat I thought I might just die!  I am so ready for MY bed and am going there soon!  So day 3 down-362 to go!!

Day 2

Sooooo....I made some better choices today and drank lots of water.  Knowing I had to write something helped me stay on track.  In other news....being with family and then leaving is so bittersweet. I'm number 5 out of six kids...I still feel like the little kid at reunions no matter how old I am. I'm blessed to have a family who really wants to be together...all 28 of us.  It's the only place where I can truly be me....I am loud, don't have enough of a filter, wear pjs without a bra, eat and drink what i want and only OCCASIONALLY feel judged! Our kids are all growing up and my oldest -22- teases us about our parenting just like I used to do with my brothers and sister about our parents! Stories... So many stories... A legacy....

New Years Day: The Beginning

I'm 41. I've yoyo dieted all my life. I want to get it off and keep it off. I jogged once, I even did one 5k....then I got pregnant (8 years ago).  Then I had another baby two years later and honestly got tired of the weight fight so I gave in bigtime!  So now, my outlook has changed....I don't want to get skinny to wear a bikini or to look good for somebody else, I want to get healthy ---I've already found happy! I'm ok with me, finally after 41 years, I'm starting to figure that out!  I want to write this cuz I've got stuff to say and I want a place to say it! So join me on this journey of health and discovery!!!! 

Btw----I did not start off the day well- sausage balls and monkey bread----dang it. I'm traveling. Why is it so hard to push away the plate!!!!!!???