No excuses.

Yesterday was not a great day.  I didn't work, kids out of school...long morning, coffee drinking kind of day. I could have exercised....I didn't. I could have chosen not to eat the Reese's chocolate peanut butter bars my daughter made, but I didn't. I could have gone out and played in the snow, but I didn't.  I know I know....everyone needs a break,but I didn't. This whole week was filled with free time and I chose to do other things. It's all about choices.  I am great at excuses, another thing I've figured out about myself AND I am GREAT at selling my excuses to anyone who cares to listen. But, ultimately all of life comes down to the decisions I make. I can excuse myself right into oblivion and still have ALL the consequences and rewards of the choices make.  It's usually not life and death, good or bad, it's more like good or better.  I want to choose better.  I want to make less excuses and more choices.  I went to the gym first thing today. Water aerobics and 20 laps. I needed to make better choices today. I have to make today what yesterday wasn't.  No excuses.

The good, the bad, and the speedo!

So this could be a long one.....hang in there. This was a weird week. I got my speedo swimming suit in the mail. I am enjoying swimming but realized the skirted suits I have become accustomed to wearing tend to go up over your head during lap swimming.  So I got an exercise suit....then had this great idea that I would be proud of me in my suit and encourage others to be ok in a swimsuit and share their swimsuit pic. All this went on in my head BEFORE I put on the suit. As you can see from the picture above, there were certainly doubts as I put it on.  I would not recommend pulling this picture any closer to zoom in, as I have realized some parts of me look a little scary! But then I realized I'm ok with that. I'm not gonna ever look like a swimsuit model most likely- although I can always dream!! My butt and hips are a bit larger than the average bear even when I'm healthy.  My shoulders are broader, my neck is shorter....I could go on and on. Everyone could.....but I have to take comfort in the fact that there is only one me. I know, it's kindergarten but I often forget what an awesome and powerful thing that is. Me....the only one who thinks and feels and laughs and cries at things in the exact way. The way my mind lives on the fences of issues, my heart struggles with good and bad and faith and politics. The way I hate cups with lids, leave cabinet doors open, don't pay quite enough attention to road signs, speak up even when folks don't want to hear, root for the underdog, try to make things right, take on others feelings and I could go on and on again. It has taken me a long time to realize that these things are ok and make me who I am BUT I so often feel bad about the real me....the inside and out of me. Sooooo....that pic is the beginning of being OK with me just the way I am.....and you can tell from my face....it is a journey! Ha!

I just ate cake.

I just ate terrible, awful, sweet and sugary cake. I did pretty good tonight other than that and a few margaronaritas.  But I feel heavy and sick at my stomach and miserable. I just wanted something a little sweet. I should have had another strawberry but no---the tye dye heart cake with vanilla hot pink frosting and sugar sprinkles (daughter made for little girls)was sitting there and in my mouth it went. I probably have blue teeth and green intestines. 

Tomorrow is a new day. I will exercise and eat well.  This is a journey. Giving up is not an option. Damn cake. Damn bad choices.

30 laps swimming and guilt

Yes me!! I did 30 laps in the pool today.  Yesterday I did 20. And yes, I think it's like 68 laps makes a mile BUT I did it. And bad/good news.  Bad news- only went to gym twice last week. Good news: I went to playground with my 6 year old -we lovingly refer to as Goose-and we played for couple hours.  And by played I don't mean sat on a bench and watched her, I actually played! I walked on the small balance beams and did yoga poses while she did monkey bars. I threw the frisbee and ran to see who could get it first. I ran at the dog park with my dog (ok she's 13 I didn't have to run too fast!) but I moved. I built it in to the life I have.  I was walking out the door to go to the gym when Goose asked me if I would go to the park.  How could I say no- the weather was beautiful and she wanted to play.  

Guilt- a big reason I don't take care of me. I feel guilt if I don't work enough. Guilt if I don't spend enough time with my kiddos. Guilt for buying something I need. Guilt for buying something I don't need. Guilt for getting my hair done or spending time on my own.  I know I need these things. I know I need time for me but I've spent such a large part of my life making sure I "made it" and taking care of others that I haven't learned to take care of me. I have to diligently strive to take time for me.  It's ok. It's ok. It's ok. It's ok.

"Is that your leg?"

My 6 year old was sitting next to me and bumped into my leg.  She said, "Oh my gosh, is that your leg? It's so small. I can't believe that's your leg."  So I haven't lost that much weight that my legs look like toothpicks, but she is currently my favorite child.

I swam for thirty minutes today. Not nonstop, although I hope to get there.  Water has become my drink of choice. Going to the bathroom has become my activity of choice. I swear I have a bladder the size of a pea.  Still making good food choices and I really haven't been too tempted. A few days this week I did poor planning with not enough protein and those days were tough- not starving, but just didn't feel good. I'm trying to listen to my body signals of hungry and full. It's been so long since I've listened I think my body forgot how to speak!!! Here's to good listening skills!!

Yoga and more downward dog than you can shake a stick at!!!!

My left thumb is numb. Not sure why but I think it had something to do  with the 50  downward dogs I did in the last hour.  I have trouble not laughing at yoga. Don't get me wrong. I like it, I think it's great exercise but all the "breath in love and joy" and those loud exhales just make me giggle!  But, I completed a class and that is exercise day 1 this week!  I may add an extra exercise day this week due to the delicious margaritas I had at the Super Bowl party- and a few more chips than were great for me. Good news is I didn't go cray cray and I was reasonable with a lot of good food! I'm doing better and moving in the right direction.