Blessed and stressed and need balance.......you?

My little mohawk wearing dude!

I read a meme the other day that said "Just blessed enough to be stressed." That is how I feel.  Life really is good, BUT, the little things can be so stressful. My son has been my stress for the month. He is a great kid-9 years old-sensitive, cool, ahead of his time in so many ways-my little old man!  He started struggling in math about 8 weeks ago and it has been like a quick downward spiral.  He doesn't understand the curriculum, but his teacher told him he "wasn't following directions and not paying attention." It was amazing how quickly that assessment led to my boy feeling like a failure. And, interestingly enough-8 weeks later after educational assessments, tutoring, calls to teachers, principals, superintendents, opting out of testing, everyone came together and basically said, "He is a cool kid, obedient, people pleasing, direction following, who is struggling in math and that is making him frustrated in all areas of life, especially school."  I'M HIS MOM.  I KNEW THAT ON DAY ONE. His teacher and principal wanted to push it off on behavior instead of just plain old "not getting it." The poor kid was having to sit out in recess for not doing an optional math home program when he was doing extra math every night in addition to two hours of tutoring weekly.  Talk about mixed messages.  I cannot imagine what parents with kids who have actual special needs go through.  I was so stressed a couple of nights I just went to bed with the kids. I had nothing left to give---nothing-not for my other kids, not for my husband, not for me.  I kept telling myself this is small, he is going to be OK, no worries but my head wouldn't let me believe that, and as my son cried every day going to school it was hard to believe.  There is something about my kids that my mind won't and can't let go. But the thing I need my heart to remember is that I do better when I take care of me.

That brings me to me.  I get all caught up in feelings and it is like the whole world is on hold for me. Exercise-out the window; food-just do what you need to get by; time for me to keep me healthy-cant do it; have to keep everyone else healthy.  Is it just me or does everyone else get put last in the order of needs?  I have to change this thinking. I have to take care of me. I am so much better when me gets taken care of, but I cant seem to get  back to me until everyone else is good.  What odd alien is this in me that focuses so much on others at my expense?    Don't get me wrong-dong for others is good, but not taking care of me is bad.....I need balance and having trouble finding it this week.  Still at 19 pounds and holding.....