Depression and Spinning....in no particular order.

Depression.  I have it. I deal with it.  I hate it some days. Some days I think it makes me think deeper and have more empathy for others. Most days though, I hate it.  I take medication. I have for over 20 years.  Most days I'm ok with that. Most days I get through and feel pretty normal emotionally.  But last week was hard for me.  Sometimes life just hits you. And, when you have depression like me, it can be something seemingly insignificant that throws you into a tailspin. It was my son being made fun of and struggling at school. It makes me feel helpless, puts me back in a mind frame of where I was at that age and struggles I had, makes me mad and makes me sad. I feel like I'm in a dark spot and my soul hurts and I just can't shake it off.  I've learned the cognitive tricks, I know it will go away, but for those few days of emptiness inside, of irritation and agitation and racing thoughts and sleepless nights, I struggle.  I didn't exercise but once last week.  The mind and body work together and last week I felt like they were against me.  But, I didn't give in and I am still journeying.  But, depression sucks and it sucked the life out of me just enough to make me not write and not enjoy life.......and this week I'm baaaaack.

Spinning. I tried it.  I almost died. I hate it.  Who thought that spinning was a good idea???  Hey let's stick your feet in stirrups (that you cant get out of) and then make a tiny little seat (that makes it feel like its going up your who-ha) and then blare loud music (with racy lyrics nonetheless) and scream at the bicyclists to go faster and push harder (this lady made boot camp seem fun).  Hey-that sounds like a great idea......let's call it spinning.  I bet the instructors get paid extra for anyone who can't walk after the class. I am quite certain my who-ha will not be sitting for some time.  My legs are still vibrating and I seriously think it could take some time for the who-ha to recover.  But, I made it the whole hour and at least I didn't stop. That is what it is all about anyway. It's not whether or not something is hard, it is continuing even when it IS hard and even when it hurts; in life and in spinning.